Not quite the post I wanted to write - maybe next time

May 19, 2008

I had an entire post ready to go. I spent time going over it, making sure I had it worded properly. It was deep and it talked about an issue I've been dealing with lately. A pretty big issue (in my eyes). As I was hovering over the "publish" button, ready to click the button, I hesitated. Then I changed my mind and deleted it all.

I was afraid. I was afraid of exposing myself to you all. I was afraid of upsetting people with this because it does have to do with my dealings with people. I was afraid of actually having to deal with this issue, because if I had published it then you would all know and I would then have to talk about it. You would know. You would probe.

So instead, I buried it. Only it's not completely buried because it's still THERE. Still bubbling. Still talking to me. This re-evaluating of myself would go much easier if I wasn't so tied down with "being strong", being "perfect", if I wasn't so afraid to be vulnerable.

But then, the very fact that this post is here means to me that maybe the time is near. I'm getting closer to being able to open myself up, closer to allowing myself to be vulnerable.

Meh, anyway here's a quote I came across that I like:

"In order to swim one takes off all one's clothes - in order to aspire to the truth one must undress in a far more inward sense, divest oneself of all one's inward clothes, of thoughts, conceptions, selfishness etc., before one is sufficiently naked." - Soren Kierkegaard

Have a good day all :)