I had the most lovely time with my youngest son today. We went for a walk and ended up at the cemetary by our place. We always take walks there. It's peaceful, there's no traffic and it's close by. I've always loved walking in the cemetary. It's my place of reflection, my quiet space.
Anyway, something amazing happened. My youngest peddled his bike for the first time today! Until now, he was content with running beside the bike as he held onto the handles. But today he took that big step and sat on the bike. I gave him a small push to get his feet peddling and there he went! He was peddling, all by himself. He was so adorable, his little feet turning those peddles. He went faster and faster. "Mum, I'm going as fast as the wind".
Every now and then, he'd get off the bike and walk with it and we'd talk. He's the most wonderful conversationalist. We talked about the trees in the cemetary and how pretty the birds sounded. He talked about good apple sauce was and that apple juice was "yummy".
Then he'd get back on his bike and ride some more.
When it was time to go home so I could get ready for work, he told me that I was the "best mum he ever had". I think that was probably the highest compliment I could have ever gotten in my life. Wait - I KNOW it was. :)
After we got home, I got ready for work. I was purposely making sure I was not going to get to work too early so I ended up getting to work about 15 minutes before my shift.
I was anxious to hear if I had gotten the promotion or not. For the first half of the shift, I hadn't heard anything yet. I had an idea that I didn't get the promotion. And I was right. After my supper break, the Human Capital person came to bring me a letter. You only get a letter if you don't get the promotion. I thanked her and kept working.
Was I disappointed? Hell yes. Was I gutted? No. My team was pretty supportive about it all. My supervisor was wonderful about it. I was pretty much given the space I needed to process it and move on.
Truth is, what I truly needed at that moment I couldn't get. It was denied to me. Was it thoughtlessness? Or forgetfulness? Or is it that, once again, it was thought that I was strong and could handle this myself? It upsets me. And now I have to come to terms with that.
Anyway! Here's a picture of my favourite part of the cemetary. It's the oldest part. It's so peaceful there. I may go back there tomorrow again. I need that "center", that peace, that stillness.
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