I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.
-- Virginia Satir
Wednesday, October 29
Saturday, October 25
To the bank I go
Yesterday, I went to the bank in order to cash my HUGE cheque from Pogo. Well I also had a few other banking duties to take care of so it's not like I made a special trip or anything. :)
I walked up to the cashier and handed her two cheques to deposit (one being the Pogo one). She looked at them and realised that the Pogo one was from the United States. Hmmmm, ok. Then she informed me that there was a fee to cash the cheque. I nodded like I knew EXACTLY what she was talking about (I didn't). After all, I didn't want her to think I was a hick who didn't realise such a simple thing (I didn't). THEN she told me that the fee was $7.00! I laughed and told her that I would just frame the cheque and hang it on my wall instead of cashing it. She laughed with me and then started tapping on some keys on her magical keyboard and POOF! the fee disappeared.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why I love my bank. It has that small town feel where they know your name. Heck, they know my grandmother's name. They work WITH you as much as they can. Quite rare and very lovely.
Anyway, I cashed the cheque (with the exchange rate it came up to $6.83) and spent it all on Hallowe'en stickers for the boys.
It was a good day. :)
I walked up to the cashier and handed her two cheques to deposit (one being the Pogo one). She looked at them and realised that the Pogo one was from the United States. Hmmmm, ok. Then she informed me that there was a fee to cash the cheque. I nodded like I knew EXACTLY what she was talking about (I didn't). After all, I didn't want her to think I was a hick who didn't realise such a simple thing (I didn't). THEN she told me that the fee was $7.00! I laughed and told her that I would just frame the cheque and hang it on my wall instead of cashing it. She laughed with me and then started tapping on some keys on her magical keyboard and POOF! the fee disappeared.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why I love my bank. It has that small town feel where they know your name. Heck, they know my grandmother's name. They work WITH you as much as they can. Quite rare and very lovely.
Anyway, I cashed the cheque (with the exchange rate it came up to $6.83) and spent it all on Hallowe'en stickers for the boys.
It was a good day. :)
Friday, October 24
Holy Amazing, Batman!
I've been playing on Pogo for many years. Hmmmmm, 2005 I believe *checks profile* - Yup, October 2005. It's a fun place to play a wide variety of games and, if you choose to, chat with people from all over. I use Pogo as my 'unwind' place where I can play games and chill out.
Well! I won $5.00 on there. Ok - it doesn't make me rich but I. WON. $5.00!!!!!!!
I got the cheque in the post and actually did a "wheeeeeeoooooooahhhhyeah!"
It's nice to win once in awhile.
Well! I won $5.00 on there. Ok - it doesn't make me rich but I. WON. $5.00!!!!!!!
I got the cheque in the post and actually did a "wheeeeeeoooooooahhhhyeah!"
It's nice to win once in awhile.
So yeah
I quit my job. I didn't even go into work to do it. I just called the Human Resources woman and left a message on her phone. I have no idea about the policies surrounding that - if they'll just "term" me or what. Frankly I don't care. I've been under so much stress lately. I do feel bad about leaving my supervisor in a lurch. But you know, I'm replaceable. I'm sure that they have pulled someone by now to lead the team.
I did that math last night. Taking into account the cost of the afterschool program, the Saturday nanny, the taxis, lunches, coffees, dressy clothes etc, I was taking home one quarter of my pay. So three quarters of it was eaten up by these expenses.
Ok, so let's take a look at that one quarter that I was taking home. I was working for approximately $1.85 an hour. For $1.85 an hour, I got to stress out if the before bus babysitter didn't show (which was A LOT). I got to rush to work in order to make it on time. I got to deal with more and more pressures at work. I got to rush from work in order to pick the children up from the after school program before it closed. I got to rush to catch the bus with the children. We got home at around 6:30. Then we had to rush through dinner, homework, baths, reading time and then bed. By Saturday, the children were tired, stressed, and cranky. I was tired, stressed and cranky. Not to mention all the other stuff going on that I'm not going into detail about here. That's all stuff I left behind when I quit so it's not relevant anymore.
All that for $1.85 an hour.
After talking about it with my husband, we agreed that it was better for the children (and myself) for me to stay home. He offered to work one extra shift a week (making it a five day week instead of a four). One extra shift a month more than makes up the money I was bringing home. So working four extra shifts a month insures that we'll be ok.
So I quit my job. I'm lucky. Not a lot of people have that choice. Too many people are forced to work because they can't afford not to. These are the same people that also have to rush around and try to time manage and have the same stresses that I was dealing with. So I feel very lucky that I'm able to do this.
This morning, as I was getting the children ready for school, I realised that I had so much more TIME. I didn't have to get myself ready for work. We had a leisurely breakfast without me trying to urge them on. We got dressed, brushed our teeth, washed our faces all without me looking at the time thinking "I hope she shows up today so I can make it to work on time". It was a good morning. And the children were calmer, I was calmer. We even had time to play outside a bit before the bus came. I completely focused on the children and made sure that they went to school with a smile.
It's better for them that I'm home. It's better for me that I'm home.
This was a good decision.
I will miss the people though. But I'm confident that I will see them often enough outside of work. After all, they live in my facebook :)
*hugs*
I did that math last night. Taking into account the cost of the afterschool program, the Saturday nanny, the taxis, lunches, coffees, dressy clothes etc, I was taking home one quarter of my pay. So three quarters of it was eaten up by these expenses.
Ok, so let's take a look at that one quarter that I was taking home. I was working for approximately $1.85 an hour. For $1.85 an hour, I got to stress out if the before bus babysitter didn't show (which was A LOT). I got to rush to work in order to make it on time. I got to deal with more and more pressures at work. I got to rush from work in order to pick the children up from the after school program before it closed. I got to rush to catch the bus with the children. We got home at around 6:30. Then we had to rush through dinner, homework, baths, reading time and then bed. By Saturday, the children were tired, stressed, and cranky. I was tired, stressed and cranky. Not to mention all the other stuff going on that I'm not going into detail about here. That's all stuff I left behind when I quit so it's not relevant anymore.
All that for $1.85 an hour.
After talking about it with my husband, we agreed that it was better for the children (and myself) for me to stay home. He offered to work one extra shift a week (making it a five day week instead of a four). One extra shift a month more than makes up the money I was bringing home. So working four extra shifts a month insures that we'll be ok.
So I quit my job. I'm lucky. Not a lot of people have that choice. Too many people are forced to work because they can't afford not to. These are the same people that also have to rush around and try to time manage and have the same stresses that I was dealing with. So I feel very lucky that I'm able to do this.
This morning, as I was getting the children ready for school, I realised that I had so much more TIME. I didn't have to get myself ready for work. We had a leisurely breakfast without me trying to urge them on. We got dressed, brushed our teeth, washed our faces all without me looking at the time thinking "I hope she shows up today so I can make it to work on time". It was a good morning. And the children were calmer, I was calmer. We even had time to play outside a bit before the bus came. I completely focused on the children and made sure that they went to school with a smile.
It's better for them that I'm home. It's better for me that I'm home.
This was a good decision.
I will miss the people though. But I'm confident that I will see them often enough outside of work. After all, they live in my facebook :)
*hugs*
Tuesday, October 21
Sunday, October 19
Just an opinion
I was having dinner with some friends of mine when the conversation turned to a TV show called "Moment of Truth". To quote Wikipedia, "Contestants answer a series of 21 increasingly personal and embarrassing questions to receive cash prizes." The grand prize is $500,000 USD.
Now, I have never watched the show. But listening to everyone talk about it, it piqued my curiousity. So I googled about it.
Some of the questions asked to contestants are:
"Do you believe you will eventually break up with (boyfriend's name)?"
"Do you always wash your hands after using the washroom?"
"Have you ever been ashamed of growing up (religion)?"
"Do you think your mother is jealous of your looks?"
"Of all your husbands, do you think your current one is the most handsome?"
"Did you marry your husband for his money?"
"Have you regretted getting back together with your boyfriend, (name)"
(she lied and said no)
Keep in mind that these questions are asked in front of an audience of strangers with their family sitting in the front row. Why would you want to sit in front of all those people and potentially hurt your loved ones? I know. I know. Humanity gets off on 'peeking' into peoples lives. That's why reality shows do so well. We are all voyeurs. I get that. But still. I could not imagine sitting there knowing that my answers could really hurt people. I have skeletons in my closet - as I'm sure we all do. I would really prefer that these skeletons remain in my closet. I'm not proud of a lot of things I've said or done in my life. I have however come to terms with them. But just because I've come to terms with them and have forgiven myself for them, why in the world would I want to drag them out for someone else to have to deal with? There's being truthful and then there's being TOO truthful. There are things that people just don't need to know. For me, some things are worth more than money.
My question to you all is, do you think you could do it? Do you think you could sit there and be asked highly personal (and potentially damaging) questions on the hope that you'll win $500,000?
Now, I have never watched the show. But listening to everyone talk about it, it piqued my curiousity. So I googled about it.
Some of the questions asked to contestants are:
"Do you believe you will eventually break up with (boyfriend's name)?"
"Do you always wash your hands after using the washroom?"
"Have you ever been ashamed of growing up (religion)?"
"Do you think your mother is jealous of your looks?"
"Of all your husbands, do you think your current one is the most handsome?"
"Did you marry your husband for his money?"
"Have you regretted getting back together with your boyfriend, (name)"
(she lied and said no)
Keep in mind that these questions are asked in front of an audience of strangers with their family sitting in the front row. Why would you want to sit in front of all those people and potentially hurt your loved ones? I know. I know. Humanity gets off on 'peeking' into peoples lives. That's why reality shows do so well. We are all voyeurs. I get that. But still. I could not imagine sitting there knowing that my answers could really hurt people. I have skeletons in my closet - as I'm sure we all do. I would really prefer that these skeletons remain in my closet. I'm not proud of a lot of things I've said or done in my life. I have however come to terms with them. But just because I've come to terms with them and have forgiven myself for them, why in the world would I want to drag them out for someone else to have to deal with? There's being truthful and then there's being TOO truthful. There are things that people just don't need to know. For me, some things are worth more than money.
My question to you all is, do you think you could do it? Do you think you could sit there and be asked highly personal (and potentially damaging) questions on the hope that you'll win $500,000?
Saturday, October 18
Thursday, October 16
Word of the day ...
Coincidence -
1. The state or fact of occupying the same relative position or area in space.
2. A sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged.
But how often do these 'coincidences' have to happen before they cease to be coincidences and become something else?
Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and pulleys.
Emma Bull
I'm interested in everyone's opinion on this. Do you believe in coincidences? Or that there is a greater power at work here? Coincidence or signs?
Have a great all!! *hugs*
1. The state or fact of occupying the same relative position or area in space.
2. A sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged.
But how often do these 'coincidences' have to happen before they cease to be coincidences and become something else?
Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and pulleys.
Emma Bull
I'm interested in everyone's opinion on this. Do you believe in coincidences? Or that there is a greater power at work here? Coincidence or signs?
Have a great all!! *hugs*
Sunday, October 12
Saturday, October 4
Routines, Watches and Shopping - oh my!
For the past few weeks now, I've been struggling with something. Every time I would pick Aaron and Adam up for after school daycare or the nanny's, Aaron would freak right out and be upset. I've been pulling my hair out trying to think of some way to stop this. Aaron's upset, I'm upset. It takes at least 30 minutes to calm him down. There must be SOMETHING that would calm him.
Then it hit me. Not literally mind you (although it probably would have worked out better).
In the morning during the week, I prepare him for school. We go through a whole routine of morning prepared-ness. Then he's happy to go to school. At school, he knows that he's going to the after school daycare after final recess. So he's happy to go there. But there's no way for him to gauge when I'm coming to pick him up. So it's a surprise every time. He's not prepared to go home.
Saturday mornings, I prepare him to go to the nanny's. Again, we go through a whole special Saturday routine of prepared-ness. Then he's happy to go there. I think you get where I'm going with this.
My little routine loving man needs to KNOW when things are going to happen and WHEN they are going to happen.
D'uh on me!
After we all got home today, I took Aaron shopping while Adam stayed home with Dad. We went to pick out watches. Not just any watch - his very own watch with an alarm. The idea is to set the alarm for 5pm (4:30pm on Saturdays). That way he'll KNOW that I'm on my way to pick him up and he'll be able to PREPARE for it. No more surprises. Well we'll give it a shot anyway and see if it works.
Of course because Aaron got a watch, Adam got a watch too. Sigh, they're growing up so fast. And of course, I needed a new winter jacket (and gloves) (and a hat) (and a scarf) (and oh! look at the nice PJs for the boys) (and who can pass up the cute Pokemon toys for the boys).
I'm really hoping that the watch idea works. I really don't like seeing him so upset everyday. I'm also going to send a note to the after school place and the nanny explaining what we're trying and asking them to 'play along'.
Funny part:
We were in the checkout line and Aaron decides to talk to the cashier.
Aaron: Hi
Cashier: Hi (smile)
Aaron: You're beautiful
Cashier: Um, thank you
Aaron: Do you close the store?
Cashier: No (smile)
Aaron: You're nice too
Then Aaron babbled on about random things while the cashier did her best to understand what he was saying.
My six year old baby was chatting up the cashier! In his defense, she WAS beautiful. And nice.
Then it hit me. Not literally mind you (although it probably would have worked out better).
In the morning during the week, I prepare him for school. We go through a whole routine of morning prepared-ness. Then he's happy to go to school. At school, he knows that he's going to the after school daycare after final recess. So he's happy to go there. But there's no way for him to gauge when I'm coming to pick him up. So it's a surprise every time. He's not prepared to go home.
Saturday mornings, I prepare him to go to the nanny's. Again, we go through a whole special Saturday routine of prepared-ness. Then he's happy to go there. I think you get where I'm going with this.
My little routine loving man needs to KNOW when things are going to happen and WHEN they are going to happen.
D'uh on me!
After we all got home today, I took Aaron shopping while Adam stayed home with Dad. We went to pick out watches. Not just any watch - his very own watch with an alarm. The idea is to set the alarm for 5pm (4:30pm on Saturdays). That way he'll KNOW that I'm on my way to pick him up and he'll be able to PREPARE for it. No more surprises. Well we'll give it a shot anyway and see if it works.
Of course because Aaron got a watch, Adam got a watch too. Sigh, they're growing up so fast. And of course, I needed a new winter jacket (and gloves) (and a hat) (and a scarf) (and oh! look at the nice PJs for the boys) (and who can pass up the cute Pokemon toys for the boys).
I'm really hoping that the watch idea works. I really don't like seeing him so upset everyday. I'm also going to send a note to the after school place and the nanny explaining what we're trying and asking them to 'play along'.
Funny part:
We were in the checkout line and Aaron decides to talk to the cashier.
Aaron: Hi
Cashier: Hi (smile)
Aaron: You're beautiful
Cashier: Um, thank you
Aaron: Do you close the store?
Cashier: No (smile)
Aaron: You're nice too
Then Aaron babbled on about random things while the cashier did her best to understand what he was saying.
My six year old baby was chatting up the cashier! In his defense, she WAS beautiful. And nice.
Wednesday, October 1
Wednesday Thought
Did you ever get the feeling that something is about to happen? That's how I feel now. Like I'm in a forest of trees and the clearing is just over there and something is waiting for me. What it is - I don't know. But I feel the electricity in the air. Something is going to happen. Good? Bad? Again I don't know.
Do I go to the clearing and see what it is? Or do I stay put and stick with what I know.
Life is so interesting.
Do I go to the clearing and see what it is? Or do I stay put and stick with what I know.
Life is so interesting.
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