Friday, July 4

Dusting Off The Ole ACME Catalog

March 17, 2008



Growing up, and still now, whenever someone pissed me off I would imagine I had an ACME catalog like on the Bugs Bunny show with Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner. I would pick out my purchase and wait the twenty seconds it took for it to be delivered. I would then take my time setting up the catapult/rockets/super huge slingshot/etc and get ready for the big 'kablam!'.

The difference - well one of the many, I'm less hairy for one thing - so let's start that sentence again. One of the many differences between me and Wile E. was that I actually suceeded in what I was trying to do - laugh myself silly at the thought of the pisser-offer getting an anvil/piano/large cat dropped on him. In my mind, they'd be all cartoon-y (it's a word - I'm sure!) and nicely flatten out. Maybe even holding a little sign sticking out from under the anvil/piano/large cat with the word "Oi! That hurted". Great fun!

Don't get me wrong, I could never wish anyone REAL harm. And I hate confrontations. That's not to say I won't have confrontations - just that I hate them. I'm more of a passive aggressive person who would prefer to browse through a fictional ACME catalog then to tell the person "you know - you really pissed me off! Go away now"

Case in point: there's this person that's really starting to annoy me. This person has been unable to get both subtle and direct hints and has even disregarded the flat out "NO". So, I'm taking out the ACME catalog once again and I'm going to buy those nifty instant tornado pills disguised as bird seed. Then, I'm going to draw a huge red X on the ground and pile up these tornado pills (disguised as bird seed) and sit behind a huge rock and wait, giggling madly. And to be on the safe side, I'm going to hang an anvil over that huge red X that has tornado pills (disguised as bird seed) piled on it. I don't have to buy the anvil - I saved it from the last time. :)

Oh, and as for Wile E - he sued the ACME company.

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