No - it's not about politics ...

... it's just me rambling :)

For years now I've used an "illusion of clean" technique. You know what I mean - you hide your ever piled high laundry in a huge basket, you tuck away toys here and there, etc. As long as the floors are swept, the dishes cleaned and the dusting done once in awhile, it "looks" clean. But for heaven's sake, don't look in that cupboard there. :)

Ever since I've stopped working, I've been able to tackle the fridge, behind the stove, cupbaords etc. The house is no longer under the "illusion of clean", it's ACTUALLY clean.

It's so weird. I know where stuff is. No, I don't mean that I know the general area where stuff is - I know exactly where it is. And my obsessive side is peeking back out. I've arranged books in order of size. Today I arranged all the DVDs in alphabetically order.

I've also had the opportunity to spend time with ME, which is not something I'm used to. How strange to just now get to know someone you've 'lived' with all your life. Strange but wonderful.

I've noticed that the boys are calmer now. We've got a good routine down now and they're loving it. There's time to play before school and time to unwind before bed.

I give huge kudos for those that can juggle working and being a parent. It's not easy. You sacrifice a lot in order to make sure that there's a roof over your heads and food on the table. I know that I can't do it. I tried. I didn't like who I became. I was this stressed out, paranoid, worried, manic person who lived on coffee and cigarettes. And that affected my children. They were tired, drained and anxious.

Every night when I tuck them into bed, I know I've made the right decision. And I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to do this.